ADHD and family

Synonyms in a broader sense

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Fidgety Philipp Syndrome, Fidgety Philipp, Psychoorganic Syndrome (POS), Hyperactivity Syndrome, Hyperkinetic Syndrome (HKS), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD, Attention - Deficit - Hyperactivity - Disorder (ADHD), minimal brain syndrome with attention and behavioral disorder Concentration Disorder, Fidgety Phil, ADD.


family support

The listing of the different symptom fields of ADHD already makes it clear that the resulting consequences also burden the family of the ADHD child. Without the family, who ultimately also offers important support for therapy, the ADHD child is helpless in the face of their problems. In this respect, a great deal of perseverance will be required of the members of a family and especially of the parents.

It is by no means sufficient that the judgment “ADHD” is made in the context of the diagnosis. Although the problems then have a name and many things are perhaps easier to understand and interpret, a long diagnosis begins, however, in therapy. After the diagnosis, the first thing to do is to bundle all information and to design an individual therapy for the child according to his problems, abilities and skills. In technical jargon, ADHD-specific therapy is referred to as individual and multimodal, which implies that a therapy must be found that is tailored to the child and combines different therapeutic areas. ADHD therapy can rarely or never be one-sided, so that with drug therapy alone, for example, only the basic requirements can be created that enable the child to work on other conspicuous symptom areas together.

A fundamental condition for the success of specific forms of therapy is that there is a relationship of trust between the child and the therapist / doctor as well as between the parents and the therapist / doctor. This is the only way to ensure that basic and newly learned content is not only learned during therapy, but also has to be continued and practiced at home.

Family accumulation

Why ADHD cases occur more frequently in some cases can be answered spontaneously with two hypotheses.

  1. ADHD is inherited
  2. An inconsistent parenting style is responsible for the occurrence of the problem.

Today we know that ADHD symptoms are due to the changed functioning of the brain and that an imbalance in the messenger substances can ultimately be held responsible for the occurrence of various symptoms. ADHD symptoms can therefore not only be based on upbringing. However, we also know that especially in the case of ADHD, an inconsistent and inconsistent parenting style can worsen the problem in a particular way and worsen the symptoms.
Not least for this reason, upbringing plays an important and supporting role in therapy.

Parents and ADHD

ADHD support from parents

It is important that parents learn to deal with the problems that the child's behavior pours down on them in everyday life.

Parents should have thought about the following aspects in advance of a conversation with a doctor, therapist or an educational counseling center and should take a critical look at the situation:

  1. Which situations in everyday life imply the child's undesirable behavior?
  2. What things do I find positive about my child?
  3. Regulate? Are there actually clear rules at home? Do I pay attention to the consistent compliance with the same?

The child's behavior should have been observed consistently for a period of at least six months before the diagnosis was made. Anomalies should also have appeared in several areas of life.If this is the case, first of all a personal assessment of the situation and an analysis of all stress-triggering factors are carried out. In cooperation with a counseling center, a doctor or child and adolescent psychologist, etc., the first diagnostic steps can then be initiated, on which therapeutic measures are then based.

The following must always be taken into account as part of an individual therapy:

  • Parents are particularly responsible for the success of therapeutic measures.
  • Rules that are set up as part of therapy must also be taken into account and implemented in the family environment.
  • Rules must be formulated in a clear and understandable way. This also means that it is clearly defined what happens in the event of non-compliance. Praise in case of compliance is just as important. Therefore:
  • Whenever possible and honestly, praise your child.
  • Try to involve everyone involved in the upbringing in the holistic upbringing concept. Nothing is more of a hindrance than an inconsistent parenting style

Promotion in the home environment

family support

A therapy - no matter how individual it is - cannot assert itself in all areas of the child's life. In addition to the actual practice of therapeutic measures in the curative education or psychotherapeutic area, it includes bringing together and deepening everything that has been learned in the home environment. This means that the therapist discusses the therapeutic steps with the parents, which are then worked out together with the children as part of the therapy, but which must then be applied and deepened at home.

For parents, this support in the home environment is not always easy, in addition to the many stressful situations that result from ADHD-typical behavior. In many cases, the feeling arises of never doing enough, perhaps of acting wrongly, and especially when there are other siblings living in the household, the permanent feeling of not being able to do justice to all children in the same way. If you feel that you can no longer deal with the problems on your own, you should get professional advice and help. This can mean, for example, that you teach the therapist yourself and / or seek help yourself, be it in the form of contacting a family counseling center or in the form of visiting a therapist. The fact that you feel you need help shouldn't frighten you. Be honest with yourself; this is the only way you, your ADHD child and your family have a chance!

Read more on the topic: How to recognize behavioral problems in babies

Parenting behavior

consistent parenting style

First and foremost, no other rules apply in the upbringing of an ADHD child than in the upbringing of a child without ADHD. Of particular importance are, for example:

  1. Formulating clear rules.
  2. Compliance with these rules with all clearly defined consequences and consequences.
  3. Praise - whenever it makes sense (no excessive praise, no praise that is too rare)
  4. Love that a child can still feel in a crisis, for example when you try to never be unfair yourself.
  5. Care by always listening to the child's problems and worries.
  6. Time - you don't have to be available around the clock to do this. Learn to use the time together with your child effectively and sensibly.

Please also note the aspects listed below, which should not only be considered sensible and useful in the context of bringing up an ADHD child. They are written from the perspective of a child and are intended to stimulate thought:

  • I don't necessarily have to get everything I want. Sometimes I just test how far I can go. Fulfill my wishes when I have earned it!
  • Give me clear and understandable instructions. Then I know where I am.
  • Don't be changeable. What you say to me once should not only apply in this situation.
  • Be in agreement. If one forbids me to do something that the other allows me, then I no longer know where I am. Believe me: at some point I'll take advantage of it very cleverly!
  • Let me do everything I can do alone Don't help me with things any baby can do on their own.
  • You don't have to comfort me with every little ailment like it's a huge drama. Believe me: at some point I'll turn every little thing into a mega-event.
  • I think praise is great. But don't overdo it. You have to be serious.
  • You can criticize me objectively. Give me instructions on how I can do better. Don't kill me It doesn't help either of us.
  • Try to answer my questions.
  • Explain things to me that I don't necessarily understand immediately.
  • Use the time you have for me properly. Play a nice game with me or read me a great story. Then do things with me that I can't do on my own or things that I enjoy most with you.
  • Admit to mistakes and help me (indirectly) to get out of the mess.
  • I can apologize to you for any missteps. If not, then I have to learn. Can you apologize to me too if you haven't behaved so well?
  • Don't be a "senior teacher". Explain things to me correctly, but in a way that I understand them too. Let slogans like: “I knew that right away ...” be easy.
  • Don't let my freaks out. Then go away, don't react to it .... If I've vented myself, then I'll definitely see that my behavior was completely wrong (even if I'm reluctant to admit it).

Cooperation of all those involved in the education

It seems plausible: only if consistent rules observed and the child can use his training units anywhere within the framework of individual therapy, the behaviors manifest themselves permanently. This is the only way to achieve success.

At home, in particular, a lot can be achieved - through “normal” and everyday things, such as games - especially traditional games - and reducing computer games and television consumption.
Autogenic training, imaginary journeys, and possibly even yoga describe relaxation exercises that can be performed almost anywhere.

What you can also practice very well at home are basic fine motor exercises. In addition to the simple things that we all know from our childhood, such as coloring, kneading, tinkering, etc., finger games play an important role. Balancing and any exercises that train gross motor skills are also an important part. Overactive children have to learn to be aware of their own body and to “dose” their forces correctly. This means that children can “let off steam” somewhere and really “work off”. Trampoline jumping in particular, but also ball games of all kinds, can be mentioned here.

An essential companion to therapy is PRAISE! Of course, the praise must be earned. Nothing is worse than getting huge praise for every little thing, especially if there was little praise beforehand.

Be a good “trainer” for your child!

ADHD - Children Need more attention and above all Care and time. In principle, you have to be ready to give this to your child. You can differentiate between “active” and “passive” time with your child. "Active time" means: time together with the child and nobody distracts us. I am there for my child now, other things I do later.
“Passive time”, on the other hand, would mean: I'm there, but still have no time.

You will notice that some aspects also have a positive effect on family life in general. The following applies to all of the points mentioned below: try to remain calm, even in critical phases!
Rules for your life as a trainer for your ADHD child:

  • stable daily routine: essential elements of everyday life keep recurring - even during holidays or on special occasions.
  • Create rituals: cuddling or storytelling before going to bed. Joint excursions, joint play lessons ...
  • Make sure that there is no free-time stress in the form of rushing from one appointment to another. Reduce your child's hobbies according to the principle: less is more!
  • Give your child responsibility and let him or her take part in your daily work (cooking preparations, shopping, ...).
  • Don't pretend an ideal world for your child. If conflict leads to argument, then they do. But show your child that conflict is meant to be resolved and that reconciliation is part of any argument.
  • You will not experience many of your child's worries and problems if you stand in front of the child and say: "Tell me what is bothering you!" You are much more likely to find out about problems if your child does not really notice that he is being “listened to”, namely in pleasant and relatively unstressful situations, usually just “on the side”. Here you can see again how important active time with your child is.

Effective time with the child


You need to not around the clock be available for your child.
BUT: The time you spend with your child should be entirely theirs.
That means. Phases of the game cannot then be interrupted by phone calls with your best friend.

Educational advice

The educational counseling centers of the individual charitable societies offer an opportunity to obtain initial information. They can be used whenever problems arise with home education. As you can see from this description, educational counseling centers have to cover a broad field in order to be able to offer a wide range of help (Also read on this topic: Educational aid - what is it?)
It is not easy for everyone to turn to the appropriate offices. The idea of ​​having failed gnaws too much in the minds of the legal guardians. The opposite is actually the case. After all, it has been recognized that something is wrong and it is then only understandable to obtain information from agencies that have specialized in such problem areas. After all, you don't do anything else if you are physically ill in some other way.

When parents have taken the first step towards parenting advice, the problem is usually first described in a so-called “initial interview”. Possible causes can also be discussed.
Since the educational advisors are subject to a general duty of confidentiality and can only be released from this by the parents, details of the conversation cannot be passed on. Whether and to what extent a release from the obligation to maintain secrecy makes sense in the further course of therapy can be decided again and again in due course. It would be desirable if at least everyone involved in the upbringing were informed in order to be able to support as holistically as possible.
As a rule, the initial consultation is followed by a diagnostic survey if it is assumed that there is an impairment. In the context of diagnostics, special standard procedures are used, which can vary from counseling center to counseling center. In addition to intelligence diagnostics and psychological examinations, there are various other diagnostic measures that can be taken.
Once the problem has been identified, an individual therapy and support plan is drawn up, which should affect all problem areas. However, this does not have to mean that all areas in need of therapy are immediately “treated”. As a rule, a start is made in those areas that are particularly affected; other areas can then be integrated later.

Due to their widespread use, educational counseling centers are actually everywhere and mostly in close proximitye findable. Educational advice and possible contact points are offered by various charitable organizations, for example the Caritas Association, the Arbeiterwohlfahrt, the youth welfare office, the diaconal organization, etc. Parents have a legal right to educational advice and insofar this educational advice is free.

Therapy of ADHD

Here you get Further information about a possible therapy for ADHD:

  • Drug therapy: ADHD medication
  • Psychotherapy and ADHD
    in particular: depth psychology and behavior therapy
  • Curative Education and ADHD
  • Nutritional therapy with its different options: ADHD nutrition
  • homeopathy and ADHD
  • Relaxation techniques such as: yoga, autogenic training, progressive muscle relaxation.

Other ADHD issues

  • ADHD
  • ADHD causes
  • ADHD symptoms
  • ADHD diagnosis
  • ADHD therapy
    • ADHD curative education
      • ADHD psychotherapy
      • Depth psychology
      • Behavior therapy
      • yoga
      • Autogenic training
    • ADHD medication
      • Methylphenidate
      • Ritalin
      • Antidepressants
    • ADHD diet
    • ADHD and family
    • Educational games

Related topics

  • ADS
  • Poor concentration
  • Reading and spelling weaknesses / dyslexia
  • Arithmetic weakness / dyscalculia
  • Giftedness

A list of all the topics that we have published under our "Problems with Learning" page can be found at: Problems with learning A-Z